My colleague, the Budo Bum, wrote several blog posts recently that, like many of his posts, gave me some things to think about. In one post, on the subject or Rei (礼), generally described as bowing, or etiquette more generally, he started with the dictionary definition, then elaborated on the meaning of the word and some of its significance to budoka. In his second post, on budo virtues, he brought the word up again, and included something that I thought he should have made more of: Rei as a means of self-restraint. This one aspect of Rei needs more elaboration.
To begin with, I know it's common for those of us involved in koryu budo to lament the lack of courtesy in Western (especially U.S.) culture. And we have a point. But before we get carried away by the idea that Americans are clods, let's roll it back and consider the role of courtesy in sporting events, and, more importantly, its function. Before a boxing bout, contestants, unable to shake hands, touch gloves. Sports teams line up at the beginnings and ends of games to high-five each other. Fencers salute at the beginning and end of a match. We are so used to seeing these rituals, we don't consider their meanings very much. In fact, in much of televised sports, broadcasters don't even bother to show them. But these are important gestures that have meaning that go beyond tradition.
The gestures of courtesy in Western sports don't signify that the event the players have taken part in is "just a game." Even though one can make the case that shaking hands, saluting or high-fiving shows mutual respect among opponents, and that everyone has learned something from engaging in the contest, I think there is something else at work as well, which is even more important. Those courteous gestures are mechanisms of self-restraint. They allow individuals to literally calm down after a contest. They acknowledge the mutual humanity of the players.
Most non-Japanese who study traditional budo are familiar with Rei. Rei goes beyond simple bows to opponents before and after bouts, and even showing of mutual respect to teachers and fellow students. Western-style sports teams in Japan also line up after a game to bow to their opponents in a way that would serve just as well after a kendo or judo match. Courtesy is not just tradition, and it's not just culturally-specific.
Many years ago (many, many years ago), when I first moved to NYC, I was steeped in the myth that New Yorkers were rude - to each other and everyone they encountered. Imagine my surprise when I found out that was not in any way the case. Being polite, whether it was to bank clerks, deli workers or fellow subway riders, resulted not only in the gesture being returned, but achieved better results in encounters. Even something simple like removing a pair of sunglasses signifies that you want to deal with someone as a fellow human being, and changes the tenor of an encounter. Politeness turns down the heat and results, very often, in an expression of mutual humanity.
The styles of budo I engage in are potentially very dangerous and deadly. Because these styles all involve weapons the stakes are much higher than empty-hand techniques (as dangerous as those can be). A gesture made in anger can result in something much worse than someone being knocked to a mat. It is no accident that the styles I practice are practically overwhelmed with polite gestures (at least, they seem that way to outsiders). As a teacher, I do not let students blow off Rei at the beginning and end of class. Rei at the beginning and end of an iai class in particular is meant not just to show respect, Reishiki is designed to reassure the other participants that no one in a given practice intends anyone any harm. It sets off the practice time as being special in the sense that it is a safe space in which to learn from each other. Likewise, as in other partner practices, our partner kata begins and ends with Rei. Framing a practice in that way reminds everyone that tempers must always be held in check.
Rudeness produces a shutdown. It suggests to the other person that you are hostile, and you get hostility in return. I have seen this happen often enough, including in Japan. I have more than one time seen a non-Japanese person begin shouting (shouting!) at a clerk for misunderstanding him. The response is generally a steely glare and no other response at all. While I may understand the shouter's frustration, I know, as a New Yorker if for no other reason, that rudeness will not produce a solution to the problem. At best, it will produce nothing at all. In spite of the interpretation of Hollywood, it would be impossible to run a budo practice where etiquette is not properly observed.
At its worst, rudeness can bring on violence, which is why, the more potentially dangerous a budo practice is, the more elaborate the etiquette rituals become. As my colleague the Bum pointed out, Confucius considered Rei one of the Five Constraints. As important as all of the other aspects of Rei might be, inducing self-control might be the most important.
