The "Women's Self-Defense Workshop" rant

Of course this was coming, and I doubt it will surprise anyone as to what my opinion is.

One of the places where I teach is sponsoring a "women's self defense workshop."  To give the benefit of the doubt to the sponsor, he probably has a few motivations, including a well-meant impulse, I am sure.  And for his sake, I hope there's a good turnout and he makes some money.  However, that is all I can possibly wish for.

Where shall we start?  How about with the concept?  Why is it a women's self-defense workshop?  Why not just a self-defense workshop for anyone who thinks he/she needs one?  The assumptions here are (1) women need protection from assailants over and above other people, and (2) we somehow need to take a workshop in order to figure this out.  We never hear of self-defense workshops for seniors, or children (okay, sometimes for gay people).

Next, the nature of the workshop - most workshops that I have heard of and the few I have been around (as an observer mostly, the friggin things just cost too much) take for their content the idea of protecting oneself from a sudden, violent encounter with a stranger.  The high fees for this type of workshop is what I like to call "the price of fear" - to wit, as much as $500 for a weekend!  Statistics quoted more often than I care to remember note that most assaults on women (or, as I like to think of it, on people) are perpetrated by persons with whom they are acquainted.  That is not to say that encounters with strangers do not exist, but they do not happen as often as the promoters want potential participants to believe.  Though it has been awhile, I have neither encountered, nor have I heard of, a self-defense workshop that offers real advice on how to handle threats from someone who may be an extended family member, co-worker, or other person seen on a regular basis.  The reasons why, of course, are that these interactions often subtle and complicated.  Subtle and complicated situations cannot be resolved with a swift kick to the balls (though it would be nice). 

I first moved from home for real when I was 21 years old.  I lived, briefly, in a boarding house with five (count 'em!) five roomates, all female.  The woman who had been there the longest (all of 24 years old) was an informal "house mother" to the rest of us newbies, and we would occasionally spend part of an afternoon or evening sharing lore about the types of things that could happen to young women on the mean streets of Minneapolis.  The stories were worth hearing, but the bottom line always was: be ready to run.  A pair of sensible shoes, in the days long before cell phones, was the best defense.  Don't stop walking.  Don't wait.  Don't ask questions.  And above all, don't let him touch you. 

As much as I learned from these couple of sessions, there were things I also had to learn for myself, of course.  One night I turned down a ride to the bus stop late at night after my job, only to encounter a guy in a car who was determined to get me into it.  The car was positioned to cut me off from a bike track short cut by a railroad bridge.  The alternative was to cross the bridge on the tracks themselves, a good option, except that night there just happened to be a freight train coming across, its bright headlamp beaming down at me.  Considering the alternative, I went for the tracks.  I survived intact (I believe I ran all the way home, a distance of about 2 miles).  And thereafter, even late at night, would walk the tracks instead of trying for the bike track.  The sensible shoe tactic was already in the repertoire.

I tell these stories because, statistics be damned, stuff does happen to women out of the blue.  But also to point out that running is the best defense.  Always.  But, it makes for a really short workshop, and not really worth $500. 

Another big problem with self-defense-for-women-workshops is that I am not sure any tactics beyond running are really effective.  I do think it is better to fight than to submit.  I have done things from time to time that prevented a situation from becoming worse, but nothing I did was ever covered in a self-defense workshop.  Wanna know the secret?  Roll back and press, from the Yang style taiji short form.  Step back at the same time you push forward, and suddenly there's 4-5 feet between you and a (surprised) attacker.  Then run.

The problem with an expensive workshop with dubious tactics is that it can give a false sense of security, and may lead someone into falsely thinking that she can control a situation that has been designed by her assailant to keep her off-balance.  No matter how many hypotheticals get thrown around in the context of a class, I can never know what will happen in an actual encounter.  And I don't want to know - I never want to get that far.  All that boring stuff your mom told you about not getting drunk and going home by yourself, avoiding dark streets, etc., etc. is absolutely true.  As much as we, products of the 70's wave of feminism, wanted to defy the "rules" that would keep us safe, most of them still apply.  Sorry.  It's unjust, but as Jimmy Carter said, "Life is unfair."  Generally speaking, guys are bigger than we are.  You have to practice all the time, and be very, very good to take on and defeat someone bigger, and possibly armed, who is intent on doing harm.  A workshop will not do it for you.

And the second date with the cute guy you met at a bar last week?  That's even tougher, and requires brains not brawn, strategy rather than tactics.  The worst assault I ever encountered was from someone I had known for years.  He was clearly out of control, high on painkillers, and determined not to let me leave.  If I had tried, I could possibly have been badly hurt.  What did I do?  I sat down and waited him out.  Then I left.  And I never went back.

Now and then I encounter someone who finds out I teach iai who snorts over the idea that "you can't use it for anything."  I always respond that at least I know that for sure, unlike some empty-hand practitioners who somehow think being able to do a wheel kick is going to save them.  (Or a women's self-defense workshop graduate.)  Doing a form of budo that is almost wholly impractical has a nice way of grounding me in reality.