I got an email via FB the other week from a colleague. He said:
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Maybe you could help me to help a karate student in need. I received this message from this student :
"I actually had to leave my dojo because of bad coach behavior. I'd been studying at a dojo for years, but the instructor changed during that time. I've seen him say while walking through his dojo that "the master walks among the slaves" and watched as he publicly badmouthed another school to the class. He blackened my eye on purpose and berated me for my having made an honest mistake while sparring (he felt my hook was too quick), and made a public joke at my expense to the effect that my wife and I haven't [had] children. I left the school, even though other students swear by this guy and have nothing but good things to say about him. I need any advice about how to try and motivate myself to get back out there and try again... I keep trying to rally myself, but I just can't bring myself to get back to a school. I'm also just curious why so many other people seemed to benefit from this instructor, whereas I was singled out. Any advice is appreciated. "
I gave the young man whatever advice I could--comments he seemed to appreciate. But even though I think I have motivated him to start training again, he cannot find a dojo that he has confidence in. Do you know any karate sensei that you could recommend?
Thanks for any help you can give.
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An abusive teacher, or just the wrong fit? I responded to my colleague's inquiry, but I keep thinking about this student and what had happened to him. At first, of course, it is easy to decide that any teacher who would single out and humiliate a student, let alone intentionally injure him, must simply be an abusive, power-mongering freak, right? Right? Until I get to the part about the fact that the other students "swear by this guy." What is really going on here?
I have been around enough dojo of varying stripes and in various locations to speculate. I have been developing a theory around the idea that, unlike the laws of physics, when it comes to dojo, like attracts like. A thugly teacher will attract thugly students. An arrogant teacher will attract people who are likewise. A thoughtful person will (hopefully) attract thoughtful people, etc. The rub comes when the potential students actually show up. Like in the story above, a thoughtful student will find himself in conflict with what I would call a thugly teacher. The fact that the other students "swore by this guy" meant one of two things: either that they have yet to fall afoul of the teacher, or they are just like him.
When there is a bad fit, the student usually loses. It is difficult to know what happened in this case, since the instructor seems to have started out as a fairly reasonable person and then his attitude changed. But perhaps that is not our concern here. What is the concern is that the teacher singled out the student who did not fit in with his new order, and embarked on a campaign to get rid of him. In all likelihood the teacher preferred another type of student - one less thoughtful, maybe, but most likely more like himself. In a perfect world, good teachers, whatever their personal issues or points of view, should be able to disseminate information to a wide range of students. Academia is built on this idea (or at least it was), and I think it can work sometimes, but in a martial arts studio, especially in the US, it does not. Most teachers have no training as actual teachers. For many, teaching is simply a power trip. I would even go further to say that most dojo in the US attract people with strong personalities, to say the least. Any student who can't accommodate himself to the teacher must look elsewhere.
The only exception I have found to the like-attracts-like in the dojo is that when the teacher is teaching the only game in town (a particular weapon, for example, or a particular cultural practice, like some forms of dance), it will attract a whole range of people who keep their personalities in check at least for a time in order to learn what they want of what the teacher is teaching. When that teacher dies or moves on, or when the students gain what they feel is enough expertise, the dynamic changes. The students who have been studying a style as an auxilliary practice go back to their home dojo and set up shop, and teach what they have learned "their way." My teacher used to send me to some of these places when I was a senior student to observe what was being taught. Sometimes the result was funny, and sometimes it was sad, or just wrong. Since none of the "teachers" involved had put in enough time to really understand our practice, it was rare that anyone had a good grip on what the practice actually was. In good cases, the "teacher" was perceptive enough to ask for help - sometimes - more or less (that's a subject for a post altogether). In other cases, there was a veneer of politeness overlaid by a sense that a threat was being perceived. My teacher, in his generosity, always felt we should try to help people with the idea of keeping them in the fold. This was not purely altruistic - my teacher worried about what they were actually teaching, and whether it accurately reflected his style or not. He was not only being caring, he was trying to protect his reputation!
There are some advantages for a teacher in the position of like-attracting-like. In my case, I have had what I would call thugly like students come in to see my classes. They know enough to take their shoes off, and within about 1/2 hour they leave. Some take exactly one class, which is all they need to do in order to figure out that I am not teaching how to go out and kill people with sticks or swords (it's in there, but that is not what the practice is about). I don't see them again, and I assume they will go on until they find someone they like better - more macho, less thoughtful - whatever.
So, what about the student who is trying to motivate himself to try again?
Even though what I do is at some remove from empty-hand practices, I actually did know someone I could recommend with some confidence. I told my correspondent that I was available if the student had any questions. I hope he decided to try again. When I endured a "changing of the guard" at my old place (which did not work out so well for me) I seriously considered taking up something else - taiji, or zumba maybe - something where I could still have some activity but just be the dumb kid in the back of the room. Though it took some time, deciding to make my own way has turned out to be one of the smarter things I have done, and I would not change that decision now even if I could. This is what I do. I still do it. And I hope the young man decides the same.
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