Some time ago, when I was still with my old group, I had to deal with a bad-tempered junior student (he was junior in rank, but actually quite a bit older than me). Whenever the yudanshakai made a decision he didn't like (as he frequently missed the meetings), he would specifically come to me to express his displeasure. One time he even called me at home about some dojo issue that had upset him. He started yelling at me over the phone. I politely told him we could talk about the issue after okeiko that week if he still wanted to, and hung up on him.
I can take some consolation, I suppose, for realizing this stuff does not just apply to me - this being NYC, and everyone being so packed in all the time, every now and then I can't help but overhear a conversation where some guy is yelling at his wife/girlfriend over his cell phone. I always have the same mental response, beamed out to the woman at the other end of the line: Just hang up! Hang up! though I never stuck around long enough to see if my wish came true.
Recently, I had to ream someone out for misbehaving at an official function. Even though the guy was a relatively new student (about 1 year), he had been carefully coached about how to behave before the event, and even reminded during it. He had assured me that the event was too important for him to mess up! But things got out of hand anyway. And his behavior was brought to my attention by a couple of my own sempai at the event (just when I thought I could actually relax). So I had to read him the riot act, which I did before the following day's training. Being me, I was not loud, but I was very clear, telling him he had royally screwed up, and I was expecting the subsequent days of training to be screw up free.
At first, he was polite and apologetic, but it did not take long for him to get sulky and start offering excuses, whining about how no one cared about "his side of the story." I told him, essentially that he was right - no one did care, and he should just suck it up. A mistake was made, and it was over, and if he was going to behave from that moment on, we could just forget it (at least for the time). But no, it wasn't over for him, and even the day after the event I had to hear about how at least some of the reprimand was somehow not justified, on the basis of his excuse. In other words, he was taking issue with being dressed down for misbehavior that he committed himself, after having been warned that certain behaviors at the event were not acceptable.
So here's my thought: if I had been a male teacher reprimanding a male student, would I have gotten that response? Or would I have gotten a "Yes sir. Sorry sir," instead? I brought this up to one of my male colleagues of many years' standing. He said I should not suspend the guy yet, but consider him to be on probation. Given his character generally, as I now understand it, I doubt that he has the guts to stick out training much longer anyway.
My teacher used to say that you have three times to see the Buddha. This guy's count stands at two.
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