You didn't write that (by yourself)

In a follow up to my consideration some time ago of Sheryl Sandberg's "Lean In" stuff (it seems like such a long time ago; I think of cultural ideas like this as a "mini trend" - not around long enough to become an actual trend, but anyway...), I have some follow up thoughts.

As I recall, I focused on the fact that, at "lean in" type forums, women have a tendency to credit others for their career successes, whereas men, asked to explain *their* business successes, tend to focus entirely on their own efforts. Why why why, the "lean in" people want to know, do women not want to give themselves credit?

I'd like to turn this thought around and ask, "How do men get away with ignoring the contributions others have made to their successes?"

To pick an ancient history example, when I was finishing grad school, my dad, who was career academic, kept hounding me to finish my final requirements. I was making steady progress, mind you, just not fast enough (I guess). Finally, in exasperation, I pointed out that even though I was (thankfully) living alone, I was also working full time and running my household. When he countered that he finished his Ph.D. while carrying a full teaching load, I responded, "Yeah, but you had Mom working full time, and YOUR MOM cooking, cleaning, and washing your socks for you."

I still remember his reaction: utter silence on the other end of the phone line. Oh. Yeah. Then he said, "You know, I never thought about it like that." Kudos to my dad for at least thinking about it once it was pointed out to him.

Several writers I know rely on their wives' steady income in order to be freelancers. I hope these women love their jobs, though I don't actually know. Other male writers I know take the contributions of volunteer editors and helpful spouses, as well as the female colleagues they bounce ideas off of as being something that is just there, you know - like the air they breathe. Other men's contributions are more frequently acknowledged.

I recently commented (I believe helpfully) on a colleague's draft, and he thanked me. He did. But when the post was published and the fanboys started lining up, I admit to having been a little annoyed for perhaps, just perhaps not getting a little public acknowledgment (c'mon, published book writers always, ALWAYS publicly thank their editors and colleagues, and sometimes even their family members, in the Acknowledgments, even the female ones). He then publicly thanked me for proofreading his piece. Okay, but proofreading is checking a finished copy against a markup. I made substantial comments that helped clarify the thought process that went into the successfully finished post. That is not proofreading. That's a Sheryl Sandbergian nightmare.

I am not saying that the male writers I know are not hard-working, talented people, who in all likelihood deserve much of the credit for their brilliantly presented, I-wish-I'd-thought-of-that output. The abovementioned author has received a number of calls that he should turn his blog into a book, and I am happy for him; but the best ideas in the world will never be read unless they are stated clearly enough for readers to understand. And the women who wash, cook, clean and shush the children so the Great Men can concentrate don't get nearly the credit they deserve, either.

So, guys - you didn't get there all by yourself.

However, I might as well be shouting in the wind. Remember, during a recent presidential election, the Democratic trope aimed at Republicans - "You didn't build that"? The slogan was meant to raise the point that all of that entrepreneurial energy that gave rise to innovation that the Republicans were so anxious to protect with tax cuts could not have been done without infrastructure - roads, rails, bridges, the internet, that sort of thing. Their projects relied on public effort which, in turn, allowed so many of those individual ideas to come to fruition. Remember the reaction? The slogan died. Just because it was true didn't mean anyone who counted actually gave a rat's ass.

And the reason why is the answer to my rhetorical question above - How do the guys get away with blowing their own trumpets at the expense of the rest of us? We let them. Why do we let them? I need to give that one a little more thought.

I have been told that my blog is "too controversial" to be published as a book. Fair enough. It is not intended, really, for general publication. This is just stuff I write down to get off my chest. As for the "big ideas" that might be worth seeing in actual print (or, these days, e-print), I keep those ideas to myself, for now. But if that MS or a few others that are kicking around my desk, collecting dust, do ever see the light of day, or at least the light of a computer screen, I vow right here to give credit where it's due. I wrote it, but I didn't do it alone.